Thursday, January 21, 2010

General reflections post-move

Well, now that the dust is finally settling after the move and we're back to relatively normal life, guess it's time for a few reflections on how my life's been since I've been back in Brisbane.

1. Weight loss/exercise

I am still struggling a bit to catch that wagon. For some reason I am doing some things right, but certainly not enough to really change anything permanently and not enough to shift any significant weight. I did injure my knee in December and it remains a bit dodgy, but it has recovered quite well and I certainly can exercise again now cos I did on Wednesday night. Just need to DO it and not talk about it and think about it.

2. State of mind

The other night after I went to Lauren's 30th party, a friend sent me a message saying I seemed a lot happier in myself since I moved (thanks, Chrissey xx), and her comments are what has prompted this next bit. In general, since moving back up here I would say I am a lot happier. I feel like the whole Trevor thing is now a lot further behind me and actually part of my past. While I was on the Gold Coast I did feel very "stuck" for quite a while after he and I broke up. In a way, because I was still seeing him fairly often, it was almost as though we weren't apart, and when I DID see him it would often make me sad because we'd get along so well and I'd find myself wondering, "Why DID we split up again?" Of course, I know why, and it was absolutely the right thing to do, but loneliness and uncertainty just mess with your mind sometimes.

3. Boys and other yucky stuff ;)

At my flatmate's urging, I did recently stick my toe back into the murky waters of online dating again, and let's just say things have been interesting this time around. But it's all very distracting. :laugh5: I'll let you draw your own conclusions from that one and, no, it doesn't mean what you think it means (well, not necessarily LOL!) I think it's more that I find dating quite confronting because it pushes buttons with me, to do with my past, my self-esteem, my failed relationship, etc. I'm trying really hard not to let it get me down, and I also recognise the person I really need to be dating and falling in love with is ME, not some guy, because until I love ME, I'm not going to attract the right sort of guy who can love ME, not someone he THINKS I am according to the bright, bubbly, cheery Debbie he might see on a date, which is part of me, but certainly not my true personality, which is pretty introverted.

4. Work

Work remains a struggle for me. I am really trying to appreciate the good things about my job (i.e. the flexibility, the fact I can choose my own hours, the good pay, etc), but there are still days it really gets me down. And I know that does not make me Robinson Crusoe cos, let's face it, who loves their job all the time? But the thing unique to my job is the crushing loneliness and isolation that I'd imagine almost nobody but a captioner working from home would experience to the same degree. People who see me when I'm out and about socially never believe me when I tell them I am an introvert (following on from previous paragraph), but tell me this - do you really think I could do the job I do and NOT be one? A true extrovert would not be able to stand this, not talking to anyone all day long. It is very difficult some days and it's the reason why I procrastinate coming and sitting in my office and working. That said, however, I have been making a good effort to work normal hours so that I have free time when others have free time, meaning I have more opportunities to be social.

So, to sum up, things are good, but they could certainly be improved a lot. Need to really make my non-negotiables non-negotiable!


  1. I agree Deb, you were very happy at my party, it was really good to see!

  2. I'm glad to hear you're happier back in Brisbane. About point 3 - do take the time to love yourself then it will be easier to let someone else in to your life.

  3. Don't try to change to much at once, Deb - baby steps. But at the end of the day it sounds like the move to Brisbane was a good decision.