Friday, July 16, 2010

Back out there again!

Well, blogosphere, I'm writing at the end of my first full week of non-home work. It's been a very interesting time. First up, I'm really happy with my new job so far. I have a lovely crew of workmates, all but one of whom are young enough to be my kids (which is ever so slightly depressing - lol), the work is a lot more interesting than captioning kids' programs, and the routine and extra exercise is doing wonders for my weight loss regime so far. In my last post, I spoke about facing up to the scales after a few weeks in the healthy eating wilderness, and I fully expected a fairly negative result. Well, I'm actually the same weight, and that might not sound like such a fantastic thing, but I know what I've eaten at times during these weeks and believe me, I dodged a bullet. Well, either that, or a part of me was still looking out for my best interests and having me make at least some good choices. And if it's the latter, that's great, because that, to me, is a sign of more functional long-term eating habits forming.

The main reason I'm writing this, though, is to mention an important ephiphany I've had this week since being back "out there" again. You know, working from home, it's easy to exist in some kind of unreal vacuum. It's really hard to explain, but essentially, you feel kind of disconnected from life and from people, and so it's much easier to do things your own way, or to keep doing things even though you know they don't help you. This week, having to commute to work, of all things, has reminded me just how much I want to lose more weight. Do you know, just about every day this week, even when I could have sat down on a train seat, I have CHOSEN to stand because I don't want my size to squash some poor person who sits next to me. I have been tired and I've had sore feet because I'm not used to the extra walking in non-comfy shoes yet, and there have been times I could really have used a seat, but still I chose to stand. It would be SO much easier not to have to worry about that, to take up a normal amount of space! I hate being different in that regard. And yet, being at home, it was hardly ever brought to my attention, so I could forget about it, if that makes sense. Secondly, I have found this week very tiring. My knees feel extra creaky and sore and stiff, too. I know that I'd have found it a lot easier if I didn't have to carry all this lard around with me. Definitely some of my favourite no-calorie food for thought there. But on a more positive note, I am SO glad I've gotten as far as I have. If I still weighed my heaviest weight i.e. 160kg, I would basically have had to catch a taxi to work or something. At least now I'm doing OK, and I know it will only get better. Time to keep my eyes on the prize and look at the bigger picture and - insert your favourite cliche!

Anyway, that's all for now. Peace out. xox

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Distractions aplenty

Hello out there! Just realised it's nearly been a month since I blogged last, so clearly the "love and other yucky stuff" (refer previous entry!) HAS been more of a distraction than I perhaps realised. So, as if the whole boy thing wasn't enough (it is still happening, it's still very nice and it still has no label, and won't have for the foreseeable future), I've spent over two weeks living at a house that isn't my own due to circumstances entirely out of my control, I've just finished up today with the job I've had for over five long years, and Monday is the first day of my new one. Am I worried? Yeah, a bit, cos it will be a huge shock to my system, and yet I know with every fibre of my being just how much I need this!

I won't go into the gory details, but let's just say my stress levels in the last fortnight owing to being away frm home, etc, have been close to unmanageable by my standards, so some eating of "sometimes" and less healthy foods has gone on. But tomorrow is a new start and the best way to get an idea of where my new restart point is? Well, to face the scales, of course. So I'm gonna do that tomorrow. And whatever they say, I don't care. I just want to know what's happened so I can do something about it. I don't think it'll be as bad as I may imagine, but right now I just want to know. And knowing is power and knowing is a step towards being on track again. And I DO so want to be in my good headspace again. But now I know how much more work I need to put into managing my stress levels better, cos when they get out of hand, those unhelpful eating behaviours are never too far away from the surface cos they are so ingrained. But neural pathways are like plasticine till the day we die and they CAN be remoulded. And I am going to remould mine!